The first forgiveness we must seek is from our own self

The first forgiveness we must seek is from our own self

Author: Gouya Roshan (Güya Aydın )

If I were to ask forgiveness from someone in this world, I would begin with myself. Not out of selfishness, but out of honesty. Because upon closer examination, I realized that my greatest mistakes, my greatest failures, and my greatest injustices were not directed at others, but at myself.

We usually understand forgiveness as a social concept; something that exists between me and another person. But we rarely consider that within ourselves, before anything else, there is a silent “other” whose rights have been violated for years: our own rights.

I ask forgiveness from myself for the days when I was tired but did not allow myself to rest. For the nights when I wanted to cry but told myself I had to be “strong” and suppressed my emotions. For the times when I could have made a better decision for myself but, out of fear of others’ judgment, I did not ask for what I needed.

I ask forgiveness from myself for the times I tied my worth to others’ approval. For the moments when I compared myself to others and forgot that everyone has their own path, their own timing, and their own abilities. For the days when, instead of being kind to myself, I became my own most ruthless judge.

We have learned to forgive, but we have learned less how to forgive ourselves. We have learned to be patient, but not with ourselves. We have learned to understand others’ mistakes, but we judge our own mistakes with cruelty. It is as if we expect innocence from ourselves, an expectation that is neither human nor fair.

Asking forgiveness from ourselves does not mean justifying our mistakes; it means accepting that we are human. It means accepting that in life we sometimes fail, sometimes make mistakes, sometimes cannot care for ourselves as we should. This acceptance is the beginning of healing.

When I ask forgiveness from myself, I am in fact promising myself that from now on, I will sacrifice myself less to endless demands. I promise to take my needs seriously, to recognize my boundaries, and to respect a “no.” I promise not to define my worth through suffering.

Perhaps the world would be a kinder place if each of us, before asking forgiveness from others, paused for a moment and asked ourselves: “What have I done to myself?” Because those who are at peace with themselves are less likely to harm others.

In the end, asking for forgiveness is not an ending, but a beginning. The beginning of a healthier relationship with ourselves. A relationship in which we see ourselves not as enemies, but as companions on the journey of life.

And perhaps the greatest gift is allowing ourselves to be human, with all our weaknesses, fears, and hopes.